Cold hands, warm shart.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
