also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
