I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
