those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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