Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
