Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
