never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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