he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My life is pants optional.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
