remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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