she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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