I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
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How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
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My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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