it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She told me I should be a condom model.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
