PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
