I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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