Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you mean i was at the winter classic?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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