You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
