Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
