I wish I could teleport
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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