I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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