vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
