To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
