That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize
