Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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