dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
