Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize