You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
