I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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