Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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