Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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