her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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