I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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