what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
