i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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