Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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