I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
