I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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