Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My cat gives me a boner
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
