I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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