sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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