i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
