Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
