Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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