College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The power of my boobs compel you
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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