Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
