i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize