quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
pop tarts are not kleenex
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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