Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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