I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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