he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
