I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
