Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
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I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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