her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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