Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize