The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
