Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
