Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
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Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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