you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
