i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
