Just fell off a train. Bad.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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