i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
